Disagreeing to Agree

About 13 years ago I sat down with my wife and asked her..."What do you think about us making a change and working with Children's Church, instead of teens?" At the time we were volunteering with the teens in our church and loved it, but I just knew, for some reason, God was leading me to make the switch. The youth pastor was also overseeing the children's ministry so the change would be smooth and easy, or so I thought. Her response..."No way! He might be leading you, but he's not leading me!" We had a "disagreement". What do we do now?

The goal in every marriage should be agreement in all things. After all, the Bible asks the question in Amos 3:3, "Can two walk together unless they be agreed?" However, as in our situation, there will be times when there is disagreement. "Does my wife not trust me?" Does she not respect me?" "Who does she think she is, disagreeing with me?" These are all question that go through my mind at these times. One's pride can be an obstacle to God's best for your marriage. Reacting to disagreement in pride can lead to insecurity and strife in a marriage. To avoid the dangers and effects of strife, we must deal with disagreement in a Godly and healthy way.

Realizing the importance of my wife's agreement, I decided to ask her to pray about making the change to Children's Church, specifically, before she made a final decision. I realized that this had not been on her radar at all. She was having a great time with teens and was not really looking to make a change. I would also take advantage of this time to seek more wisdom and direction. After a few weeks of praying, my wife came to me and said, "I think you may be right, but I just have some questions I need answered." Her questions were of things I hadn't thought about; questions that would prove to be extremely important to our decision. You see, little did I know, God was opening up a door for me to enter into full-time ministry as the Children's Pastor. The questions she shared with me had to do with the protection and provision for our family. You see, my personality is one that says, "we know what to do, now let's go do it!" It's a good trait to have, however, I need my wife's, "Hold on a second, let's look at how this might effect other people, first" personality to get the best results. The results God is seeking.

Throughout our marriage, God has used our disagreements as a means to agreement. My advice to all couples is to never take your spouses disagreement as some kind of knock against you personally. This type of response can lead to strife that can eat away at your relationship. Approach disagreement as a team, and understand that God is trying to get the best to you and your family. He has placed you together for a reason. Sometimes that means your spouse has a unique insight that God needs you to see. Loving your spouse means to think the best of them, trusting that their intentions are good and not meant to harm.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails.